She'd be 59

Me and Mom when I was 4

Today is my mom's birthday.  Happy Birthday Momma!  If she were here today, she'd be 59.  It is weird not buying her presents or celebrating with her.  I decided that this day was going to be a bit challenging so I invited my dad, Steve and Anna over yesterday for a birthday celebration, in mom's honor.   Dad brought little gifts for everyone, because it is something mom would have done.  She always had little presents when you would see her. She was a very giving person and I believe wholeheartedly that if she were here now she would singlehandedly be trying to stimulate the economy all by herself!  

I decided for our menu we would have all of mom's favorite things.  We had cheese and crackers and shrimp with Hoffman cocktail sauce (because it is the only cocktail sauce mom would eat).  We had a "nice" salad - which consists of iceberg lettuce, croutons and italian dressing.  Mom would always make us have a "nice" salad growing up at dinner.  Imagine my surprise when I started grocery shopping and learned that there were several types of lettuce and an actual nice salad can have lots of fixin's.  We then had a "nice" roast with veggies and bread followed by a banana cream pie, which was mom's favorite.  Ryan picked it up at My Sugar Pie in Zionsville and man is it a fabulous pie.  

Mom probably would have been a tad disappointed that it had a meringue top and not "real whipped cream", but it was seriously the best pie I have ever had.  My dad also brought a cherry chip cake with cherry frosting.  In the winter months of his retirement he has become quite the little baker.  It was nice to have our little family all around, but I couldn't help but feel the void.  We all do, it is obvious.  

Dad helped me decorate a bit after the kids went to bed and then got up this morning and left just a bit ago.  He is going to go to mom's grave and bring her 8 carnations, one from each of us, they were her favorite.  I am sorry I won't be able to go today - in two weeks I'll be up there and visit then.  I hate and love going to the cemetery, it is nice to have a place to visit, but I hate what it represents.  It just sucks all the way around the block.

So today I fill my day with nonsense like laundry and cleaning.  I am going to yoga tonight for some much needed exercise, meditation and reflection.  I want to thank my friends who have called, emailed, and posted with their thoughts and well wishes.  It means more than you know.  These next two months are the final last of the "firsts."  It is just so bittersweet, holding onto, "this time last year..." which is helpful and painful all in one.

And away from the dark side...in the world of Penny Pickles I have several paintings going on and I can't wait to finish them up and show them to you! I hope you all have a great week and once again thanks!