time heals, sort of
I don't intend this post to be a woe is me depressing sort. If you know me, that isn't my style - or at least I don't try to be! It is hard though when discussing loss and pain to not sound miserable so bear with me!
Today marks the 2nd anniversary of my mom's passing. It is hard for me not to think about the days events, how they went down, what mom was like, etc. When I think of all that, I am grateful for two years - time doesn't heal necessarily, but the raw edges smooth out a bit and the details get a bit fuzzier in some areas.
I miss mom for a number of reasons. First off, I miss her because she and I could have a bitch session like no other. I could trust her implicitly and know that if I needed to get something off my chest, she wouldn't try to fix it, she wouldn't pass judgement and with her years older experience had some clarity or comparison to offer. Secondly I miss shopping with her -mom could shop with the best of them and had exquisite taste - she spoiled me, my kids, my family and friends. She had such a giving heart - to a fault almost. If I had to choose a final one it would be I miss her for my kids. Jon has a memory of an elephant, he remembers details of things he did with mom when he was two. He is so much like her, in so many ways that it's like having a little boy version of her around. They were truly kindred spirits, and for that I am grateful because her legacy lives on vividly in him. Drew remembers things as well, although his time with her was much shorter. That being said my mom adored her Drewski - they had a bond, an understanding. Where Jon and her were outwordly similar, Drew and her share different connections, habits. I do wish she were here to have time with Drew as a little boy and not a toddler, I think they'd be great friends. Finally my pickles, this one in particular is the hardest for me. My mom adored dolls, dresses and although she wasn't a particularly girlie girl, she loved girly things. My daughter can wrestle with the best of them, but her love for her dolls, twirly dresses and pink is borders on the ridiculous. I know that mom would have taken great delight in seeing her granddaughter twirl and sing and push her pink stroller around with yet another naked baby in it. I also know my mother would be in debt up to her ears because of all the adorable things that are offered to clothe a girl. Not to mention the knee deep toys we'd have at this point. I am grateful that mom and Penny shared 11 months together, but for me I truly wish there had been more.
So today is another day, a small milestone. It's not a day I celebrate, but I certainly don't hole up in the house in the fetal position crying. I do what I do best and it's holding my kids and my wonderful husband close, enjoying them and soaking in all my blessings. I met up with an old friend this past weekend, we hadn't seen each other in about 14 years. It was wonderful and it seemed like little time had passed. We are the same girls, just older and it was a wonderful visit. She lost her mom when we were in college - she was 18 or 19 at the time. When I think about her loss, I can empathize with her pain, but I realize I was blessed with more time and for that I am eternally grateful, but equally as heartbroken for her. We all lose at some point, and when you love someone it is always too early and you never had enough time.
Thanks!
Labels: personal
4 Comments:
Thinking of you today, Annie. xoxo
Thank you for sharing this post with us, it is precious and beautiful!! Thinking of you today and always.
Thinking of you and sending lots of love your way....
Love you Annie :) Wish I could give you a squeeze.
Hea
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home