best mom EVER!

So I've been informed that I am the best mom ever, EVER, did you hear me, EVER! Why? you might ask or How did you achieve such prestigious status? I can't put my finger on the exact moment, but I think the turning point was our trip to Tennessee over Thanksgiving. We went to the Dixie Stampede and if you've never attended such an event the meal is served to you while the show is going on. Here's the exciting part you eat the whole thing with just your hands. No silverware anywhere, at all, none, nada, zip. Now I'm a fan of chips and dip and cheese and crackers. I can even wield a sandwich, but the majority of my meals include silverware, plastic, real, silver plate, sterling, I'm not picky. So went the server poured my bowl of soup and dropped an entire chicken, albeit a small one, but an entire chicken on to my plate I was concerned not only for myself, but for my kids. Sure they're kids, they're messy and sloppy and like to eat with their hands anyway, right? Well both of my boys turned to me and said, "uh mom, where's the fork and spoon?" I was proud, very proud - hell they might as well have walked across the Harvard stage getting their diploma because I have children that are moderately civilized. So back to why I am mother of the year, for real.

For a long time I have fought the kids having toy guns - I personally don't have a problem with firearms so don't get all second amendment on me. But I want my children to understand that guns are not toys and should not be taken lightly. Not because I am concerned on my own turf, but you never know what someone has under their bed or in their nightstand or you get the point. I wanted my kids to understand that guns are real and you could die from them. So my plan was to make sure they just didn't have any so they wouldn't "play" guns or whatever it is little boys do during their imaginary heists. We had been doing well, they really didn't bug me about it, they had light sabers, so handled lasers that can cauterize your arm off or some other appendage were a okay. In the words of my great friend Leslie, "when he started biting his toast into the shape of a gun, it was a losing battle," I couldn't agree more. So after seeing my angels enjoy the show, eat with their fingers best they could, I didn't feel like I could deny them this one thing, this piece de resistance of boyhood toys. So I bought them each a pretend gun, it's kind of a rifle, but shorter, but not a revolver. Hell I don't know what it is, but I bought it. I imagine the looks on their faces when they turned the corner to see my booty were pretty close to what a 25 year old girl and a Tiffany engagement ring proposal might look like. "Oh my gosh mom, really, really? We can get them? You are getting us guns, we can buy guns???? OHMYGOSHYOUARETHEBESTMOMEVERRRRRRR!!!!!" And that my friends is how you become the best mom ever.

The boys have been really good with their "presents" the rule is you can't shoot someone in the face, you can't hit someone with the gun and please for the love of all things holy don't aim it at any of your sisters baby dolls or stuffed horses or the wrath of God will come down upon you (from Penny) and the guns will be thrown in the trash (by me). So we're all living nicely together so far. Our time together is relatively short, so we shall see, but I am confident that my little hooligan-er angels will follow the rules- because after all I am the best mom ever, which means I make the best rules ever, its that way or the bad boys home (we don't even offer the highway as an option).

Thanks!