E! True Noblesville Story: Annie Page (Chipper)

No really, I am nuts - so if you belong to Facebook you've seen the 5'8" squirrel on my profile picture. Yes, that would be me. Here's the story:

My son goes to Forest Hill, our mascot is "Chipper" the chipmunk. Over the years Chipper has gotten kind of ratty and smelly and well it was hard to get anyone to really WANT to be Chipper - the costume is also a furnace - I mean all that fur zipped up - well it's no wonder polar bears do so well in the cold. So we had a phenomenal fundraiser this fall - raising more funds than we anticipated. So we as a PTO asked the teachers and staff for ideas on how to spend our extra money. One of the suggestions from our Principal was a new Chipper- the kids love Chipper and personally I think he has a thing for him too. So that was one of the suggestions and everyone was on board, except me. Now don't get me wrong - I think it's a fun idea - the kids would love it, but honestly they love ratty Chipper too - so while I have my own passion for squirrels - I did not rally for the new costume. Fast forward to our vote - the costume won - so we ordered it. At this point I need to tell you they are also closing our school in a year and a half and we will no longer be the Forest Hill Chippers - we'll be broken up a bit and my kids will mostly likely be going to Hinkle Creek and be the Cougars (can I tell you how thrilled I am about being a middle aged woman and wearing a "Cougar" shirt?) But that's for another post. So we have a year and half to use the hell out of this costume.

Our principal, Jack, is a riot and he loves to do special things for the kids - so on the last day of school before break he dons a Santa hat and reads T'was the Night Before Christmas to all of the students throughout the day. He had this fantastic idea that our new Chipper should make his grand entrance with a letter from Santa - the only problem was who to put in the costume. I received a reluctant call from our PTO president asking if I had any plans for Friday. Now I did have lunch plans, but other than that, I was free. So my dilemma was do I do the squirrel or be a total bitch and say no. Well as much as I would love to be a total bitch, I couldn't, I mean it's just a costume and I knew I'd have fun. So I said yes, that hell did in fact freeze over and to let Jack know he owed me. Big time.

Fast forward to Friday, I came, I put on the costume and let me tell you - NO ONE over 5'8" can wear this costume - I couldn't sit because my legs would show and Chipper has a bad case of thunder thighs, NO ONE with bigger than a size 9 shoe can wear the shoes because my feet were at the end - apparently people in Guatamala are very small (where it was made). The costume itself is hilarious - my hips were huge (my actual hips look svelt in comparison) and it was still hot as hell- I could have been dropped off at the polar ice cap and done quite well, for days. But then there was the head. This huge, heavy, ridiculous head. I popped it over my own head and ohmyheavenstobetsy, I can't see a damn thing. Nothing, nada, blind as a freaking bat - our mascot might as well have been a giant mole because I had ZERO visibility. The head has two little one inch openings on the two eyes of the chipmunk about 8 inches apart - you do the math - my eyes are not eight inches apart. Which means I spent most of my day staring out of a one inch circle with black mesh over the top. The head was so heavy that in the pictures (that you'll see in a minute) I look defeated, like the alpha squirrel kicked the shit out of me, because my head looks like it's hanging. I was introduced time and time again, walking in and out of the story time - the kids loved it and I will admit to everyone reading this I enjoyed it too - other than the open ended questions Jack would ask me and and then I would think, how the hell do I answer that without talking? "Did you go to the North Pole to visit Santa, Chipper?" "What do you want for Christmas Chipper?" "What do you think about the Senate version of the health care bill?" You get the picture - I would try to shake my head yes, but I feared it would pop off and that would freak a few kids out, no? A Marie Antoinette version Chipper - was not what I had in mind.

I also required a handler to walk me around since I could not see and at first I couldn't walk so well either - by the end of the day I could skip down the hallway -I am sure I was a sight to be seen. My handlers did the best they could, but kids love to hug and high five chipper. I nearly had the air knocked out of me by an overzealous fourth grader who ran head first into my abdomen to give me a hug. I also whacked a kid in the face as I was trying to reach and give another kid a hug. I stepped on one kid and knocked another over with my hips as I was trying to get into the reading pit - graceful Chipper I was not.

My first of two favorite moments of the day was visiting the Kindergarten room - that place was like an militant African minefield - little chairs, desks and kids - I was knocking shit over left and right. I suppose they don't have four foot wide Chipmunks frequenting their space, it was physical comedy at it's best. The next and my personal favorite was when reading time was over - our principal led me down the hall and he had a grip on my arm and was pulling me through a gaggle of kids, the kids were hugging me, grabbing me, giving me high fives - at one point he let go and I thought I would fall or be mobbed - hasn't he heard of leave no solider behind? He then came back for me and grabbed my hand and yanked me through. I knocked over a couple of kids in the process, slammed a few into the walls, and I am confident I personally squished at least six or seven small feet. I couldn't call out "help" or "slow-down" so I was dragged like a cave woman through the hallway, but at least he came back for me.

All in all I had a LOT of fun- if I could see better and the head was more stabilized, I could do so much more. My goal now is to modify how the head meets the suit to enable better movement and to take the pressure off of the wearers neck - I was sore the next day from its weight. The next item on the agenda is to see better -I don't want to look like an ass giving hi-fives to the air. I would wear this suit again (don't tell my principal) - mostly because I love squirrels and definitely because the kids were so much fun to perform for - they loved me! (to be fair they love Chipper, but I was inside so I'll take credit) With that here are pictures from my day as a giant woodland creature...

Pre-head, with my snack and yes that's a bow in my hair, festive, no?

With Annette, who talked me into this.

Chipper with our principal during the "coal test." Don't let Chipper's body language fool you, I'm happy to report that Chipper isn't getting coal for Christmas this year. (Chipper seems to have just have some osteoporosis issues)

I hope everyone has a marvelous holiday - check back, I'll be posting my latest painting, AFTER it's been given to the recipient. Take care and of course - thanks!