New Year, New Me?

Sure it's cliche to have New Year's resolutions. But I'm a fan of goals and lists, mostly lists, but goals too. I find that if I list them out, they become kind of an obsession and therefore I focus on them. Let me preface by saying that if I don't accomplish all of my goals, I won't consider the year to be unsuccessful - I am lofty, but in the end fairly realistic. Here are some things I have been thinking about and well hopefully accomplish by the end of the year...

Fall in Love with Running again:

I've been running since I had Jon, it ebbs and flows, I hate it, but I love how I feel when I'm done and I am certainly happier with my appearance as a result. I ran a lot last summer, it felt great, but then Ryan started a string of side jobs this fall and my evening runs became few and far between. I'm an evening runner, I love to have dinner and then go out for a run. I'm stiff and cranky in the morning, my runs suck and then I'm exhausted by mid afternoon - so I love running in the evenings. This proves to be harder in the winter, so I am resigned to my treadmill, which I am happy to have, but hate with all my being. So my goal is to get back on the treadmill, as well as don my new outdoor running duds I received from Ryan for Christmas and do a few chilly runs. I am planning to sign up for the Geist Half in May and we'll see beyond that race.

A Sprint Tri:

I've wanted to do a sprint triathlon for a while now - Ryan bought me an awesome new bike for my birthday this year and I am really enjoying it. I didn't know how much I would like bike riding, but with my shiny new road bike, it is easy to enjoy my time out. So between riding and running all I have left is swimming and I am a strong swimmer and know with a bit of time in the pool I'll be fine - it's getting a swimsuit on in front of a crowd that has me a bit concerned - so hopefully with all this running and bike riding, my ass will be a tad smaller before "T" day - there are several sprint tri's in the area this summer, so I'll figure out which will work and go for it.

Continue to Blog:

I've come to enjoy blogging immensely- more than I could have ever imagined. I enjoy doing the Indy Star blog - but I am finding blogging about life is a bit more enjoyable and frankly the negativity of people out there is amazing. I'm not sure in what capacity I'll continue - only time will tell.

Enjoy my Garden more and Expand:

I love to garden, but found it more challenging this year then in years past. This year I am going to expand, yet again, my vegetable garden to the entire side of my house. I am also going to pull out the remaining overgrown bushes around my house (I guess Ryan knows now what he'll doing this spring!) so I can expand my roses, grasses and lilies. I want to spend more time outside, last year I was a bit of a hermit, so my goal is to be out more and do more and include my children to do more so they can develop the love of gardening as well. I am also going to break into composting -so wish me luck!

Truly Clean Out:

If you know me, I am not a hoarder. In fact I was sent into giggles when a couple of girlfriends suggested I become the Indiana version of "Hoarders" like you see on TV. While that could be fun, I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to handle some of the neurotic tendencies these clients have. But for myself, I am always looking around my home and trying to keep only what I use, as well as not putting emotional associations with things. (Which is hard now that mom is gone - when you've lost someone close it is very easy to slip into the mode of keeping) I know it may seem silly, but when I'm cleaning I try to think about if I lived in India or some other country of the like and all I had was a one room space. What would I need? Certainly I am blessed to not live in that situation, but do I always need everything that I have? This is a constant balance and study and now that it has been almost two years since mom passed I am going to truly reflect on what I have and what is truly sentimental. Also, I am starting to purge the few baby things I've kept. I haven't kept much, but I do have some things for my brother and for any friends that will start there families in the next year or so. I am paring those items down too.

Starting a Career:

So it has always been the plan that after the kids go to school that I would go back to work in some capacity. I have never planned to go to work full time because I think as my children get older it will be as imperative for me to be present as it was when they were young. So a part time gig is in my future. It has always been the plan that I would work so that we could supplement our savings, college savings and retirement. We are blessed that we are still in that circumstance. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and thinking about what I would like to do when I go back to work. Of course I am trained as an Urban Planner, but I am so out of the loop that I don't think I could just jump back in with much success. I also know that I didn't enjoy it much when I DID do it, so I am guessing I would like it less now than I did then. Comprehensive plan charettes and zoning ordinances aren't really my passion. So what the hell do I do? Sure I paint, and I still enjoy that immensely and will keep my online store open. I'm trying think of ways to upgrade and revamp so expect some changes in 2010 - but I want a bit more consistency and with the economy - artwork isn't a necessity. I am hopeful with time and economic recovery that I will paint a bit more, but for now I am enjoying the break. I have be faced with an opportunity that I am doing some thinking and praying about. My yoga studio is offering a training class to become a certified yoga instructor. My instructors are encouraging me to attend. I am strongly considering participating - it will be about 6 months long - 200 hrs. It is a commitment, but I think I actually could be quite good. I love yoga, I love how I feel physically and mentally and emotionally. Yoga was integral in my healing after losing mom, I was able to connect with my pain and my mom. My meditation time allowed me to speak to her, to hear her voice and know I was going to be okay. I see so many benefits for yoga practice beyond the physical that I really love sharing it with the people around me. Upon completion of this training I would be a certified instructor - I would like to tap into one on one instruction in people's homes rather than a studio - but I certainly wouldn't pass up the chance to do studio work either. In the studio, I think I would be happiest doing beginner and children's yoga- just because when you start off it can make or break your experience. I know that my instructor made it so that I wanted to come back and then I evolved with just wanting to do yoga - not just to work with my instructor. I'm still not entirely sure if I will do take this opportunity now or in another year or so - but I'm leaning towards now. Being a stay at home mom with my own schedule has made me a bit of a commit-o-phobe. So I am making peace with losing some of that control and we'll see what happens.

To Strive to be the Best that I am Everyday -for Me, for my Family, for my Friends :

I think developing ones self is an ongoing education. When I die, I don't want people to remember me for a clean house or organized pantry, I want them to remember me as a person you could pop in or call at a moments notice and I would welcome you with open arms. I want my kids to remember me as a mom that kept them in line, was strict, but also soft and nurturing of their individual self. I recognize each of my children have their own distinct personalities - I try to embrace them for who they are - some days it is easier than others. I want my husband and family to know that although I take time for myself, they are the center of my world, that when I do things for myself it's because I want to be the best version of myself for THEM. I want to them to feel loved and cared for and protected.

These are my goals for 2010 - some will be accomplished, some will be attempted, some will be started and ongoing through my entire life, but as the saying goes - "The distance is nothing, it is only the first step that is difficult." Madame Marie du Deffand

I wish for you a happy, healthy 2010. Be safe, be merry and thanks for an awesome year of support and love!